I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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