I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize