god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
