You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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