I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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