Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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