goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
