she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
