Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
