I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
