two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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