I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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