He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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