"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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