Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize