She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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