I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
