i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize