community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
