I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
