Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
