Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize