Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
