How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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