He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize