One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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