he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
