I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
