So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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