My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
