The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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