i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How naked do you want me to be?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
