I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
