yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
