Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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