I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
