Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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