the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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