Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
