I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
