My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
