Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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