Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
