He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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