I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
