we're blogging at a bar
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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