well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
