i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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