I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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