He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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