Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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