i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
