Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No subtext here. People are naked.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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