return my video game
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
