Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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