Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Alive.
So much puke
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
