i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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