I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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