i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
