The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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