I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
