I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
