I want to make a zoo with you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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