4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
as a side note pls kill me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
