Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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