At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
