why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
