that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
