He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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